Dear Levi Johnston (also known as "Alaskan who knocked up Sarah Palin's Underage Daughter");
On behalf of Democrats and Obama supporters, thank you for having unprotected sex with Bristol, Sarah Palin's underage daughter, and impregnating her. It throws the governor's role as a model Christian mother and staunch anti-Sex Education and anti-abortion standpoint into disrepair. Now your mistake in the backseat on prom night represents an embarrassment for the Republican party and a black mark on McCain's record for hastily choosing Sarah Palin for his vice president.
What a creative way to sabotage the Republican party! You have been described as "Sex on Skates" by some, but I really love how your MySpace page claimed, "I'm a f - - -in' redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes... Ya f - - - with me I'll kick [your] ass." [via] You really know how to hit Christian conservatives where it hurts.
My question to you is, will you wait to propose to Bristol until after the election? If McCain loses, you could still enjoy years and years of more pre-marital sex with hot college co-eds while you play on a university hockey team. You might even get a scholarship since your a celebrity now!
Thanks again! You are the Best!
P.S. Enjoy the convention